Today = Cancelled.

Today was cancelled. 

The pain, too intense to do anything productive. Days like this have become my “new normal”.  I want another normal. My king sized bed is probably sick of me being sick. Radiation probably permeates my bedroom from the energy of the television. Blank thought bubbles float over my head. 

Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) is my primary medical condition. It is an heritable connective tissue disease with various subtypes. I have vascular implications with my EDS. Everything hurts, all the time. Joints dislocate, muscles ache, bones hurt and break, etc. I am at constant risk of aortic dissection, and my joints are very hyper mobile. My EDS comes wrapped in GI problems, and issues with various organs. My painful symptoms appeared in 2008, and I was diagnosed by a Geneticist as having  EDS in 2011. 

My EDS manifestation came on the heels of a Cancer diagnosis, and removal. I had a very rare type of Thyroid Cancer. Half of my thyroid was removed, leaving me with one half of a diseased thyroid. The condition is called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, or Autoimmune Thyroid Disease. My body does not recognize my own half of a thyroid, and therefore attacks it. The thyroid acts as the body’s own inner thermostat. My body temperature is rarely regulated comfortably. I feel sluggish almost all of the time. Thyroid problems can also make it difficult to regulate body weight. My recent Cancer ultrasound checkup was abnormal. I have been advised by my Primary Doctor to go to my Oncologist ASAP. The Cancer Doctor cannot see me until March, 2016. You’ve got to love the modern medical system. NOT. 

Fibromyalgia is another diagnosis I carry. Touch can hurt, my skin hurts, muscles ache, and my blood feels like hot lava running through my veins. Fatigue and brain fog accompany Fibromyalgia as well. It is no walk in the park, rather a walk in a dungeon.

Migraine Headaches-yes, I have them too. Lights out. Enough said. 

Venous Insufficiency causes blood to pool in my ankles, swelling them to the size of elephant ankles at times. It is very painful, and hideous to look at.

I have suffered Bi Lateral Pulmonary Embolisms and Deep Vein Thrombosis. I will most likely be on blood thinners for the rest of my life. Needless to say, Depression and Anxiety make the list too. Wouldn’t anyone suffering from Chronic Pain be depressed and anxious at times? 

I worked as a Police Officer/Detective for ten years. Four of those years I worked while dealing with the above listed conditions and more. There are more complications, listed are what I remember off of the top of my head. I worked until I couldn’t work any more. I am now legally Disabled. Having an “invisible disability ” presents a set of problems. People tend to downplay Disability and Illness when it is invisible. It is hard for people to realize the magnitude of my illness/disability, because I don’t actually “look sick” all of the time. My medical evidence and records tell the whole story, so at least Doctors believe me now. In the beginning it was difficult even for Doctors to believe me-until they began to run numerous tests on me-that is when the solid medical evidence began to reveal itself.

So, next time you can’t find me, remember: Today might = Cancelled.